he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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