i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
