Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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