My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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