Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
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