you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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