3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
