His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
