O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We're too hungover to prance.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
