I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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