I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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