It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
