made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm having to shit out rocks
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
