Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
