Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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