but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
This baby is an asshole
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
