I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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