Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
