So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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