I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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