best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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