nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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