dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
