I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
