I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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