I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
