I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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