he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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