The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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