i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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