Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
