haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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