Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
