he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
