I'm going to rape someone's good day.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
