i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
