Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
