I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
