Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
