my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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