You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
