make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
