whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
