cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Randomize
