I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
