oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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