Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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