I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We need to rekindle our bromance
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
