why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
