I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
