I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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